Wild & Wacky December!

I have not been able to take a moment to write a thing until today.  I have been traveling, partying, making new decisions, contemplating mergers, and not being pregnant.  While in Jamaica having this year's birthday blow out I realized that having my daughter about to leave home for college makes my desire to have another child strong but also makes me think that I may just be trying to fill the hole that she is going to leave when she leaves.  I will be making some hard choices over the next few months about this baby thing.  For the most part I have decided to let go and let God so to speak, you know just go with the flow.  I am not going to think about ovulating, periods, fertility, baby daddies, or strong swimmers. Just live and... PLAN MY AWESOME TRIP TO FIJI!

People have paid their deposits and worked on room assignments.  We are set in motion my friends.  I am looking to have money to pay off the flight February 1st and the entire trip by September 1st. Yay Alesha! I am scoping out websites to see all that Fiji has to offer because I plan to take full advantage of everything BUT swimming with the sharks.  I am starting to work out to get this body bathing suit ready! I will be walking, Wii'ing, water aerobicing, and belly dancing my way into sexy baby.  I am researching the awesome tattoo I am going to get on the sexy body while in Fiji.  I have even contemplated cutting my hair & growing all new 2011 hair for the new me....maybe I'll just get a good trim. LOL. I have been thinking about all the awesomeness that a new year can bring and having this super trek makes my butt tingle with excitement. 

I will be looking for a true Fijian experience so if any of you know people or organizations in Fiji that I can speak with please send me info - alesha_martin1@yahoo.com. Please have Awesome Fijian Love Trip as the subject.  Nothing too physically taxing because at the end of the day I am still a lay-on-the-beacher with a cool drink type of person BUT send those suggestions anyway. 

This week I will be searching for information on the dancing and mating rituals (if any) for traditional Fijians.

Let me begin the beguine...

 

Just Can't Wait!

Oh my, oh my, oh my! I can barely wait until next year for my trip.  Every time a client snaps, a co-worker trips, or my child pouts I think of the private burr on the beach.  When the world gets crazy I think of a full bowl of kava tea. As the men in my life revert back to boys I visualize the mud bath and spa. Oh my I hope to make it to the beautiful Fijian Islands before I snap!

The blue waters, white sand, colorful fish, vibrant fragrant flowers, and relaxed people are what I long for today.  Not Calgon baths, ciroc&tonics, cold winds, or gray skies of Washington, DC. Ugh.  Maybe I will take a mini trip to Jamaica to hold me over until I can get to Fiji next year....

Kelly- can you help me?

www.travelworksmd.com

Today is my Asia's Birthday!

My daughter Asia is 17 years old today! This has nothing to do with Fiji or having another child just Asia.  I loved her before I ever saw her face.  As often as she makes me angry she makes me smile. When she was 3 or 4 years old she came up to me and said Mommy my name is not Asia anymore - call me Princess Wanda. I laughed until I cried. She is stubborn, arrogant, smartmouthed, selfish, and loud. She is also intelligent, gorgeous, compassionate, talented, friendly, quick-witted, sweet, kind, and has an impeccable sense of comedic timing. I love her.

I have always called her Boochie Butt and often just my Boochie. One day she started rubbing my aunt April's face saying "My Boochie, my boochie. She's the queen of my heart, I just can't stand it." We laughed until we were sore but to Asia I say You are my Boochie the Queen of my heart.

Your Mommy,
Alesha

Fijian Tattoo..to tat or not to tat - that is the question...

While reading up on all things Fiji I ran across the story of how the tattoo came to Samao.  It is said that tattoo originated in Fiji but only the women were tattooed very little and the men not at all. Two women who were goddesses of tattoo swam to Samao to implement the art there. When the were leaving they got an order to sing the whole trip "Tattoo the dames but not the guys." During the long journey they got the song confused and started singing "Tattoo the guys and not the dames." So the men of Samao got the famous tribal tattoos from Fiji.
I am thinking of getting a tattoo of a fish or a turtle while in Fiji as my fortieth year rite of passage and the symbol of my passing into a new era of Alesha. Why the turtle?  Within Polynesian and Hawaiian cultures, the turtle represents calmness and tranquility. In other cultures, the turtle can symbolize bravery, endurance, wisdom, perseverance, safety, or longevity.  Why the fish?  Within ancient times the fish was the symbol of femininity, fertility, female sexuality and power.  Also the the fish in some cultures represents endurance, abundance, perseverance, and to declare an affiliation with the Christian Faith.  When ever I see the fish I think of the sermon on the mount when Jesus fed the masses from a boys lunch of fish and loaves. This makes me feel that if you have faith and can believe in things unseen but felt you can do anything.  Now thinking about it further I may just get both.

What do you all think?  

On the baby-making front I am so, so, so, so, so confused.  So many people making suggestions, so many offers that need vetting, and a lot of thinking to do.  Relationships to end or begin. Love to make or to end. Ugh. I just want to be pregnant without a ton of other issues.  I am going to take it back to when I was a teen and just say - whatever happens, happens.  

Peace and pregnancy.

Changes involve Change...

Just got the prices back for my personal section of Fiji Fiji I Love the Thought of Fiji trip and let me say I have a had to make a decided change.  The resort prices for next year came out and boosted my trip cost by $900 if I kept everything the same. The bonus would have been a helicopter ride onto Tokoriki which sounds hell of exciting...on the phone but after thinking about it scary as hell on paper.  My brilliantly smart-assed daughter Asia asked "Do you really want to ride in a little helicopter over water filled WITH sharks?" Which made me start an hour long web search for shark bite statistics for the entire Fijian area because you never know - right? And oh boy do they have sharks aplenty! No swimming beyond the reefs for (to borrow a L.Jones saying) the K.I.D. They have tiger sharks, nurse sharks, silver, white, & black tipped reef sharks, lemon sharks, big ass bull sharks, gray reef sharks and the occasional Great white shark decides to have a Fijian vacation as well.  It has been said the tiger sharks are notorious for taking nips out of swimmers, divers, and surfers in Hawaiian waters - whew. I am glad they don't go for the waders, loafers, and general beach bummers! I would be in serious shark trouble if they liked lazy meat.  I am also slightly fascinated by the names of these sharks. What does a nurse shark look like actually? Is it gray with a little white nurses cap on? Does a bull shark have horns and a nose ring? Are silver tipped reef sharks high post? And aren't most sharks gray? Hmmm...  There is a company called AquaTrek that operate a shark dive on shark reef that people pay money for?! With a guy that they call the "shark whisperer." No bull..shark - for reals. I would like to watch from a nice safe seat on the couch in front of the tv or on the deck of a boat in a comfy lounger as it goes down but not from the water surrounded by the hungry man-eaters. I am not going on the helicopter ride or the shark expedition my friends. Not Alesha.

But I am going to change resorts.  I am now staying at the Malolo Island Resort. According to the sixth edition of the Malolo Sun, "Malolo Island Fiji is a jewel in the crown of the archipelago known as the Mamanuca Islands. Situated 25 kilometres/16 Miles from Fiji’s International Airport. Malolo is a paradise of seclusion and rejuvenation - with golden coral sand beaches, azure seas, panoramic views and wonderful air-conditioned accommodation and facilities."  I am still not sure if the change will be a good thing... Tokoriki is one of the furthest islands away from the main island of Viti Levu in the Mamanuca Island group and Malolo is closer to Viti Levu.  What to do, what to do?  Also Malolo allows children and Tokoriki is adults only. So does that mean Love & Happiness will have to stay inside the swimsuit on this portion of my trip? Will they not get to receive the full sun rays on my fortieth birthday? Hmm.. I will have to really think about whether or not I am going to pull a JanetJackson wardrobe malfunction or keep the girls under wraps.

On the pregnancy front - no dice. Not pregnant but still hopeful and blessed as more offers to impregnate me come down the pike.  Short, tall, dark, light, big, and little they keep coming.  Crazy, sane, brilliant, not so bright, and average brained they keep coming. But all of them want to have "relations" (quoting R.Lassiter.) No cup donor offers...oh well sex is good. So I just might meet the deadline after all.

Peace and pregnancy.

Back up Plan...

I went on-line today to see what would happen if my time line was skewed a bit. Would I be able to take a newborn to Fiji...well yep. It started me to thinking about all the activities that have been recommended to me and out of all of those things what I might actually do there. Honestly, I do not think I will get up to any snorkeling, diving, hiking, whale watching, backpacking in a hostile, or any major sightseeing. Because you see ladies and gents I am a world class loafer. There I said it.  All I want is a nice beach, hammock, blazing hot sun, cool drink,  grilled food, tunes on my iPod, and nice blue water. That's it - that's all.  I don't know why I am not like my baby brother Tony. Tony loves to get into the ass of a country. He likes to find out the what, when, how, why, and who started that shit. He takes lots of pictures, writes about the people/places,  videos, and sees all the must sees...not me. I just relax like a turtle on a rock. I talk to the people of course but I rarely remember to pull out the camera, when asked how was the trip I say great, and will take a nap over a hike through the streets of any town any day. And I am not ashamed! People like Tony find the great places to lay for people like me - God bless him.  Don't get me wrong I don't need to eat American food, only see American shows, and a point/nod/smile beats talking any day but I do not like a set agenda. I go on vacation to get away from schedules not to trade it in for a new island schedule.  I work in staffing - we schedule son. So hey call me a beach bum - I'll drink to that! SO if the baby (that I am not pregnant with yet) needs to come to Fiji - then the baby comes to Fiji.  I is not tripping man. Now run tell that.

Random Fijian baby picture but isn't she cute?!

I WANT ONE OF THESE!!

Still thinking about trying and praying....but not pregnant.

Muckety Muck!

Ahhh, the wonders of the Fijian Islands are vast and ready to be experienced by Alesha.  This weeks topic is wallowing like a pig in mud - black mud.  One of the items on the list of things to do in Fiji is getting a mud bath while on the Viti Levu island. The Sabeto Mud Pool is located in the shadow of The Sleeping Giant, a mountain range which can be seen everywhere in Nadi. This mud pool is between the major cities Nadi and Lautoka.  The process, and I am finding that it is always a process in Fiji, goes something like the following -
After you pay a small admission fee to Sabeto villagers you enter one of the geothermal mud pools. You then soak for an hour or so in the warm black mud which is rumored to have therapeutic benefits. (Concern- do you get mud in your...privates? Hmm..) Once you have finished luxuriating  in the mud like Miss Piggy you climb out and coat yourself in the thick pasty paste.  You stand in the sun to let it dry - in like a head to toe (minus your who-ha) mud pack. Then it is back in to a clean warm pool to wash off the healthy muck.  Can you say body facial ladies & gentlemen? 

Did I mention that they serve the lickey also known as alcoholic beverages?  So you get the benefits of being a kid playing in the mud while also having the advantage of being an adult of legal drinking age to enhance the experience.  Yay Grown Ups!


I am not pregnant today.  I have not done anything to be pregnant today except to pray to God to be pregnant soon... but I think God will help me after I help myself a bit - to some sperm.  Can you say fast healthy swimmers?


Peace, blessings, and pregnancy.

Proposed Pregnancy Proposal! Yay....

Ladies & Gentleman drum roll please....someone wants to knock me up!! AND he is marginally sane! I was in conversation today with someone from my past that wants me to have what I want... He wants to give me a baby & not be crazy about it. We are supposed to chat about the details because he wants to do it the old fashioned way but I have high hopes! HOLLA!!!!!

I am closer to my dream.... even if he is opposed to the cup I may just....

The Word is OUT!!!

Invitations to the show have gone out into the world. Friends and family have officially been invited to next years Love Explosion in Fiji..The evite is supposed to be top secret so shhhh. This is so the people who are not invited won't feel some kind of way then force me to feel some kind of way. I may have to say things that some will call lies like "oh. I didn't know Liz didn't invite you." or "Liz must have missed your email address from my contact list." Notice that the general theme will be that it is Liz's fault. Ha! Sorry L.I.Z. but we all must do what we must do in tough situations - blame others. 

One thing that I am really excited about besides the fact that I will be in Fiji for 14 days on a dream vacation, is the celebrated Kava Ceremonies. Let me break it down.

The Kava ceremony is a major Fijian tradition.  It starts with the visitor bringing a gift of dried kava root, which is considered a narcotic but legal, to the head of the village or village elders as a sign of respect for the community. The kava party posse will then welcome you by saying "vinaka" which is Fijian for thanks (for the herbs my man.)  You sit down on the floor in a cypher, umm, circle around the bowl (yep, bowl not cup) on a little table with everybody that is about to get it crunk. The bowl of kava is passed then refilled around the circle with these instructions - You say "Bula" clap you hands once before accepting the bowl.  If you are a sucker you can say "low tide" and they will only give you a half a bowl of liquid loc juice as opposed to "high tide" which means in the eternal words of Rick James means "Give it to me baby" a full bowl. After drinking the entire bowl of Kava in one gulp hand the bowl back to filler upper person and clap three times.  This goes on in the circle until the chief says the party is over and stops drinking.  Kava ceremonies have been known go on until the next evening - can you say two day drugjuicefest? Guess what my peoples? There is a small band playing through out the event! Good good times.

It's all so exciting but I am still not PREGNANT!! UGH!! What do I have to do?

Oh yeah - have sex.

Leg Two - An Open and Shut Case!

Wow!  Spoke with super travel agent Kelly and we will be staying at the Sonaisali Island Resort.  Now I don't want to confuse you - so let me break it down.  The first half of the Alesha's Fortieth Birthday Fijian Take Over Love Extravaganza will be spent at the Tokoriki Island Resort.  The second half of the trip Alesha's Fortieth Birthday Fijian Take Over Love Bizarre will be when friends and family join me at the Sonaisali Island Resort.  Are you still with me? Good. 

Sonaisali Island Resort

In the immortal words of Vinnie Barbarino from Welcome Back Carter fame - Can you dig it?  I knew that you could.  Now let me tell you a little about Sonaisali Island Resort.  Sonaisali is on Naisali a long low island in Momi Bay in the Mamanucas group of Fijian islands.  Naisali is surrounded by mangrove flats and is just 300 meters off the coast of Viti Levu - the largest island in the South Pacific. With large swimming pools, snorkeling, and a beautiful beach we have it made in the shade..with lemonade..as the sun fades..wearing shades..with no grenades..might as well be getting paid..in spades..cascade..blade..raid.. You get it.
We will be here for 7 days & six glorious nights! Yay Us!

Tokoriki Here I Come!

My people I have seen the promise land...at least photos of the most beautiful place on Earth - Tokoriki! This will be where I spend the first week of my trip to the Fijian Islands and where I will be spending my actual 40th birthday.  Check it out -

Tokoriki is an island within the Mamanuca Islands of Fiji in the South Pacific.  I will be staying at the Tokoriki Island resort which is one of the two resorts on Tokoriki. The island has its own reef which has awesome diving and snorkeling site.  I plan to take advantage of the snorkeling and the laying on the beachness of the island.

In other news, I am still on the prowl for a baby daddy!  What to do, what to do?  All of the men in my life are TRIPPING!  Why are they now so honorable and responsible? I know for a fact that none of them want to be married or are even half way thinking of having children.  They are willing to bang out any haggy wag (name courtesy of Maurice Harrington) in the streets not giving a good damn if they get them pregnant but when it comes to me they want to have something more meaningful than a cup and a smile?  Seriously?  They tell me all the stories of tossing it regular but will gladly throw it away before they will put it in the turkey baster for me... what does that say about me? 

That's it!  I am going to start looking on craigslist!

The Streets are Watching

You would be absolutely amazed at some of the advice... I have been getting since I have let it be known that I intend to get pregnant & go to Fiji. People are full of it.  Samples -
You shouldn't go to Fiji - you should go to Bermuda.
Why would you want to start all over again? Get another dog.
You should just have a big party at a club for your birthday.
Adopt a teenager because there are so many without a home. You don't really want a baby.
Fiji?! Why not Paris?
WHAT THE EFF?! It is my fortieth birthday not yours. You can go wherever you want, get a pet if you want, and party at the club - I have my plan.
As far as adoption do not get me wrong who knows I may just down the line but for now I want the full experience again. Who cares that I will be changing pampers again? I think that what I will get out of it is so much bigger than poopypants.

In reference to Fiji - I want to spend that birthday week alone with Alesha.  I love her and want to pamper her for making it forty years. I plan to do me...not in a freaky way but maybe - Self love is the best love.
Stay safe.

Plans Are Being Made

Yay Alesha! I spoke with the super travel agent Kelly today! She is looking around finding the best deals, looking for the most beautiful spaces, and in general checking it out! Although none of the resort booking can be done until after November of this year and the flights cannot be booked until 6-8 months before travel - I am on my way to the big 40 goal! FIJI!
I was told that flights are going to be at least $2,300 round trip and about 18 - 24 hours long with layovers and flight time but I am still stoked.  Kelly said that I will be in the air for 16 of those hours, the sweetness after that bitter medicine is that it all ends with the beauty of the blue once I arrive on a sexy Fijian Island.
The trip will last for about 18 days.  Let me break it down -
2 days of travel
14 days of delicious
2 days to travel back home.
Forty.  Fiji.  Can you dig it?

Part one of the plan is not coming together as easily.. Getting pregnant is a lot harder when you really want to be pregnant.   You have to find just the right person or go the "Baller" route - InVitro.  Let's talk about the "Baller" route first. InVitro is about $10,500 for just one shot at becoming spaghetti sauced aka Prego with one canister of the babymaking juice.  You just get that "one shot of love." When you pay the 10G's you are not guaranteed success, oh no my friends for that you need the $37,000 plan. That's the YOU WILL BE SWOLL before we stop pumping you full of sperm plan.  Neither of these prices cover lab costs, sonograms or  medications. The YWBS plan is only for the true blue ballers who can still afford to have a baby after all of those extra costs!
Now finding just the right person may be cheaper (in paper money) but expensive as hell in many other ways my friends! You first have to x out the good sex but crazy as a shaved pole cat brothers for obvious reasons.  Then the I-Want-to-love-you-until-the-end-of-time-BUT-you-better-not-look-at-another-man-or-we-will-both-have-to-die Donors for safety.  You would think players would be your safest bet but good old AIDS can skunk that right up. If he has the test and is clean believe it or not players get gushy once you talk about having his baby...an ugly long story but I digress.  The rest of the "right person" crew I am still trying to figure out but I am a woman on a mission...and with a deadline.

Fiji and 40 are on the right track.  Still not pregnant.

The Beauty of it All...

As  I sit here looking at the beautiful pictures of the Fijian Islands I feel giddy with excitement!  Some days these pictures are the only thing that keep me going and keep me from slapping the shit out of somebody which would end with me catching a case.  Catching a criminal case would keep me away from my goal of waking up to this beautiful blue almost smurf like paradise!  So all who oppose me know that until December 19, 2011 you are safe...but I am taking down names.

The blue is mesmerizing and I want to wake up there! Don't you?

And in the Beginning...aka Today.

I am lying here in the bed at 5:30am not pregnant.  It is enough to make me howl with tears and want to take a header into the Potomac. Why do plans not work when you really need them to work? Was it not a good plan? I will spell it out so that you can be the judge -

Find a willing sperm donor.
Have him give me the goods while I am ovulating...(whenever that fucking magic day with rainbows occurs.)
Let the little spermies soak into my womb seeking to pop lock into my lone Stella like egg.
Voila pregnant in 2010 before December & my 39th birthday!
Delivery of my new bundle of love & heartache before Summer 2011.
Between breastfeeding, strict diet, and exercise be swimsuit ready by October 2011.
November would be packed with shopping, visiting relatives, writing baby instructions, making sure my child is secure in the college dorm, finding the dog a place to squat while I am away, and finalizing plans for my two week love romp on the Fijian Islands!
Waking up on my Fortieth Birthday in Fiji!


But what happens - no pop lock into my Stella...not pregnant - again.  But hey it is only August so I need to ramp it up and get some medical help before the end of the month so I can try to get my egg & some young healthy sperm to do the damn Cha Cha Slide! Hands on your knees, hands on your knees - turn it out!

So until the next time wish me pregnant and Fiji and I'll do the same for you!